TAMMY I 55 - Living life with adventures and enjoying life to the fullest!

40 0ver 40 PHOTO SESSIONS

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40 0ver 40 PHOTO SESSIONS /

I’m spotlighting my beautiful 40 over 40 participants. Meet Tammy; she is 55, a mom of two wonderful children, and a licensed realtor and property manager in North Carolina and Virginia.

I am honored to earn my client’s trust even more, when they want to share part of their story with the world. We all know life isn’t easy but is those hard seasons in life that shape us and build our character. Tammy is so transparent she shares it all, the bad, the good, and everything in between. I hope you enjoy reading her story as much as I did.

Tammy, share a little bit about yourself.

This is the hardest thing for me, to talk about myself. Remove the identification of someone's daughter, sister, or mom. ME. Growing up, I was always the "black sheep" People think being the black sheep is a slam on the other family members, but it's not. It just means you are different; you do things against the grain. If someone tells me you can't do it, I will show you I can. I lived the American dream with two brothers and working parents. In my adult life, I did things differently. Most of my friends after high school went off to college, I started work and bought a house at 19. Work ethics were instilled at a very young age. My dad worked 7 days a week to provide for us; this is how he showed his love to us. We now call this a love language. I was married when I was 23 and had my first son at 25. He was my entire world. I never thought you could love someone so much. My husband provided so that I could be a "working" stay-at-home mom, so I got to enjoy raising my son. My daughter was born 20 months later. This is where my life changed. She was born with severe disabilities. It changed me; it changed my marriage. We struggled through it for years, becoming roommates and passing like two ships in the sea. I learned to fill the void with my love for my children and the fight for my daughter. I didn't have the energy to fight to make him love me, want me, and only me. Finally, I couldn't take it anymore and realized I was becoming someone I didn't love or even like and decided to leave my marital home and my marriage after almost 18 years of marriage. I was told you'll never make it on your own. I laughed. I was told no one will ever want you because you have a daughter with disabilities that you will always have to take care of. I cried. For the next ten years, I ended up in a toxic relationship, allowing people into my life that manipulated so much of my world for their betterment of life and lifestyle. I had people I thought were my true friends that were using me and taking advantage of the broken state I remained in. Finally, I woke up and became the person inside that I had pushed down and told her she wasn't worthy of being a part of society. In March 2018, my world changed, I lost everything, and everyone I thought had my best interest at heart. I often say God had given me signs, and I ignored them repeatedly. So I decided to take control and give my life a good cleansing. Looking back, this was the beginning of transforming my life, soul, and world. I sat in unbelief that this was what my life was supposed to be like for a year. Then I decided I had lost to the devil of addiction (this is what caused the dysfunction in my life, my boyfriend was an addict), so I wanted to know what I lost too. I dove into self-care and self-help studies and learned about addiction. I trained with an addiction specialist that ran one of the top addiction clinics to understand. I also learned that I had an addiction to save him, which had turned into an addiction to shopping. This filled my void. After four years of truly focusing on myself and what would make me happy, I found that my world was not my friends, family, children, or work... It was my higher being, and he had shown me repeatedly. My desire to fill the void of what was missing was strong, and I went to work. I took classes and learned about REIKI, energy, and intuitive healing. How to make me happy, healthy, and whole. I had heard it over and over from my therapist. "You have to be happy, healthy, and whole." I didn't know what that looked like or felt like. I had never been truly "happy" with myself. My roller coaster ride of weight loss and weight gain had shown that over and over. I realized one day, sitting at the beach... it was time to get my "shit" together. I took control. I stopped worrying about pleasing everyone around me. I stopped focusing on finding the "perfect man" to fill my life with. I stopped focusing on things that just did not matter. I started focusing on my health, realizing that at 50+ years old, I needed some control of my mindset. I needed to focus on the relationships I had let go of due to hiding from everyone who might see the life I lived. I needed to focus on my children and their well-being. I pulled my sleeves up, had the needed tools, and went to work. Four years of pain, agony, tears, heartache, and self-awareness. Realizing my daughter’s disabilities' impact on me, having to breathe for her to keep her alive, and her clinically dying in my arms at almost 3 years old, I had never dealt with these emotions. I started peeling the layers back of the trauma I had been through in life. If you don't start at the beginning of healing, you will never truly heal your wounds. I found peace in quietness, stillness, and being alone. Something I had never felt before. I put my faith in God that he would lead me where I needed to go. Learned I didn't need to use certain behaviors to obtain what I wanted in life. I learned that he would show me if I stopped trying to control everything in my world. I came to grips with the black sheep inside of me, understanding the control issue was because I had no control over so many things that had happened to me in life. I have finally given control to him to lead me through the waters. He did and has shown me who my tribe truly is. I know who is important in my life and what is important to me. And he has allowed me to see people for who they are and has shown me who gives me the love I deserve. That woman inside me who has always wanted to be strong, beautiful, and full of life has come out. She (I) now know I deserve happiness in life. I deserve to have a man of honor beside me who loves me and my children just as they are. I am enough!

What have been some significant points of change in your life so far? - ​How did these significant points in your life change you?

The most significant change has been to stop worrying about what everyone around me thinks about me, what I am doing, or who I am doing it. It has allowed me to see people's souls. I found the man of my dreams that has shown me what loyalty, honor, and true love is.

Have your values changed over time? What do you value now?

Yes. For sure, my values have changed. I now value honesty, loyalty, transparency, and communication with those I love. I appreciate my quiet time. I am giving myself time to continue to focus on keeping a positive mindset. I find the silver lining in every situation, regardless of how dark it might be.

If you had a bucket list, what's your favorite thing you've checked off?

Aww, this is hard. There have been a few to pick the top ones would be 1. I went scuba diving with my son in Key West. 2. Swimming with dolphins.

What are your dreams/goals and ambitions for the future?

They have changed drastically over the last couple of months. My dream is to continue to be an example for my children of what happiness, healthy, and being whole looks like. I would love to be married again and get it to be everything I ever imagined it to be. I have never wanted to die alone. My goal is to finish my bucket list. To live life to the fullest and make as many memories as possible with those I love. My ambition is to open a business to allow those with disabilities in my local community to have jobs where they matter and count.

Are there any myths you would like to bust about being over 40? If so, can you tell us about them?

That you don't have sex after 40, lol, sex with younger men is not always better.

What advice do you have for the younger generation?

So much! Live life, and let the past go. You can't change it, so don't stress over it. Have no regrets in life. Make the most memories you can. Eat the cake, but take that walk. Spend time with those who are important to you, and never think they will be there when you get older because God takes them younger and younger. Tell them how important they are—right your wrongs. Get the tattoo you always wanted regardless if someone doesn't like it. Take care of your heart. Stay healthy. Never let anyone diminish your empathetic abilities. You did see her the night she died. Your heart and soul are genuinely a mermaid; swim naked in the ocean at least once in your lifetime. Make love under the stars. Connect with your inner soul as often as you can. Dance in the rain!

Tammy has been through a complete body, mind, and soul transformation. She felt this photo session would highlight the finality of all she has accomplished in life. She wants these images to remind her of how strong, confident, independent, loving, and caring she is. I am sure we have achieved that and much more.

Much love,

Tamara